Dear Beautiful Human Beings in the LGBT Community,

I am at a loss as to how to begin. I have written and rewritten this in my head dozens of times since Sunday morning when we woke up to hear that over one hundred members of your community were slain and slaughtered. One hundred beautiful fellow human beings. I’ve wrestled and wept and prayed and questioned whether I had the right to even write this at all, and I truly don’t even know where to begin now that I need to translate those thoughts into words on my screen. But here goes…

I’m sitting here in my closet. Weeping. My bathroom hand towel (my regular go-to tear absorber whenever my heart is overwhelmed) is drenched, my stomach is sharply twisting in knots, and my tired eyes are puffy and red from the sobs. My heart is raw. My chest is heavy. I can hardly eat and can barely speak. I’m curled up on the stained carpet in my darkened walk-in closet. Alone. Accompanied only by my tears and my pleas and my prayers.

In my closet. My closet. Alone. The irony isn’t lost on me. I know it’s a place familiar to you, because it’s where we’ve relegated you. We as a society. As a community. And worst of all, as a church. You’ve been forced to hide there. To cry there. To be alone there. Accompanied only by your tears and your pleas and your prayers. And while my own tears are genuine and my heart pain is real and my thoughts are heavy and almost too much for actual written words, I know—please hear me—I know that they are no match for the volume of tears you’ve shed and the heart-wrenching pain you’ve curled up in while lying on the floor of your own metaphorical and literal closet.

So I’m here now with my laptop open, my 38-year-old Christian, suburban, white, straight, married self and mother of eleven (that’s a whole other story), writing to you. I hope you will hear me. I haven’t earned the place, I don’t deserve your ear, and you have no obligation to listen or even take me seriously. I get that. I give you that. No, scratch that. I can’t give what is already rightfully yours to deny. But I hope in your mercy you will allow me anyway to give this a go. (The injustice that I should expect you to give me mercy. I almost can’t even. Deep breath. Jesus.)

But this letter isn’t about me. I’m not the point. So I am coming to you with my hands extended—”just as I am,” as we like to traditionally sing, humbly asking you to accept my apology. My sincerest apology.

I’m so, so sorry. Not in the triteness of a 5-year-old’s forced apology for taking what didn’t belong to him or calling a friend a mean name, but a genuine, Oh-my-God-what-have-we-done, Father-forgive-us-we-know-not-what-we-do apology.

Because I’m. So. Sorry.

Now I know you’ve heard it before and it probably has never held much weight. And I don’t blame you at all. But maybe, just maybe, this apology can somehow by some prayer by some miracle of God’s love hold a little heavier in your heart than a pitiful, patronizing “you poor thing” spurred only by tragedy. Maybe, just maybe, you can receive this from me. From us.

I’ve been in the Christian “world” my entire life. My parents were ministers, I’ve always loved Jesus, and since I was a little kid have read the Bible with a passion to truly understand love, redemption, and what it looks like to live as humans loved by our Creator. I grew up in a left-leaning home politically (no pigeonholing us!), and one that embraced those on the fringe in society. I never learned to hate you, to fear you, to push you away. So when the church began to, I truly didn’t understand. I couldn’t fathom it or reconcile it with the Jesus I know. It has always, always made me angry.

But that’s irrelevant. Because not only am I making this about me again (why do we tend to do that in our apologies?!), but because I belong to a much larger family—the family of God—that does exactly what Jesus didn’t do, that has learned to hate you, fear you, push you away. My family, Christians, have by and large rejected you. And I am so, so sorry.

As I was pouring out my weeping heart to my husband earlier this evening (I tend to do this), I told him that I don’t know what God is doing in me, why I am so broken and torn over this tragedy in Orlando more than any other, why I have been experiencing for the last several months such acute sadness and sheer sorrow for the treatment of transgendered persons and the ostracization of the entire LGBT community, why I feel so convicted and remorseful, why I am grieving so deeply for an entire people group. But I believe that maybe it’s God crying his tears through my eyes on behalf of all Christians, because I’m feeling a physical pain that won’t subside and an overwhelming need to ask you to forgive us. It’s like a fire in my bones, and I can’t keep silent. Perhaps God has been stirring this in me so that I could write this today to post for you as you weep even now in this moment in history. Perhaps it is “for such a time as this.”

I can’t believe what we’ve done to you. I can’t believe we’ve left you out. I can’t believe we’ve told you NO. I can’t believe we’ve okayed that. But we have. And I can’t believe that even though I never set out to intentionally hurt you and never spoke a word directly against you and never overtly told you you aren’t welcome in my family, in my church, in God’s Kingdom, I’ve sinned against you by omission. I’ve left you out. I never grabbed you by the hand and brought you in. I never went out of my way to say directly to your face that YOU ARE WELCOME HERE. You belong. Because if I belong, so do you. And I haven’t placed the priority on that to let you know. I haven’t made it a priority to let you know you matter. So I’m here to say I’m so, so, sorry.

I wish I would have known sooner. I wish I would have seen. And to be clear, my own blindness is not your fault. You have been letting us know for decades. And it’s not that we didn’t know you were there. Or that you didn’t get our attention in appropriate ways. We were simply too self-focused to pay attention, and when we did, we didn’t care. We were too self-righteous to accept you. So we dismissed you. We feared you. We turned you away in disgust. And so I’m here to speak for us all and apologize.

I think it’s just like this. I have eleven kids. (Like I said, that’s a whole other story.) We live in a neighborhood with a ton of kids, kids who are always playing together outside, in a field, at our house, on our driveway, and at each other’s homes. If one day I found out that my kids had been excluding a boy down the street, that they had told him he can’t come to our house, that he can’t play here, that he isn’t allowed in our home while all the other neighborhood kids were welcome, that he can’t play with our family, as a member of this family (and especially as the mom), I would be livid. Absolutely livid at my family. And I would ache for that sweet little boy, for the rejection he’s experienced and pain he’s been living with, pain brought on my members of my own family. I would ache so deep an ache that I wouldn’t stop there—I couldn’t.

As soon as I made this discovery, as soon as my eyes were opened to this injustice and hurt, I would do two things: First, I would go to my kids and tell them how awful it is what they’ve done; how they’ve hurt an innocent boy who just wanted to be their friend, who just wanted to play, who just wanted to be treated as any other, who just wanted to belong. I would scold them and correct them and make it very clear to them how awful and unacceptable their treatment of this child is. That no one deserves that kind of rejection. That he has just as much right to our home and family as any other neighborhood kid. And that I don’t care how different they think he is.

But next? I would go to him. I would go so fast to him and tell him how so very sorry I am that members of my own family hurt him so deeply. I would listen to his pain and see his tears and offer my apology. I wouldn’t blame him for not fitting in; I wouldn’t tell him to change; I wouldn’t try to explain away the injury. I would apologize. Genuinely and deeply apologize.

So to you, beautiful people in the LGBT community, I am here as a member of God’s family, extending my heartfelt apology to you, our neighbors, asking you to forgive us, begging you to give us the mercy our family has failed to give you.

I’m so, so sorry.

I’m sorry our sorrys ring hollow.

I’m sorry it’s taken a tragedy to wake us up from our self-induced slumber.

I’m sorry we’ve shut the doors to the church to you because in our arrogance we’ve thought you less than us.

I’m sorry that it’s been “us vs. them.” Versus you.

I’m sorry that we haven’t called you to the shared table.

I’m sorry we’ve offered condemnation which contradicts any messages of love.

I’m sorry that we’ve pointed out what we see as flaws in you when really we just don’t want anyone to see the flaws in us.

I’m sorry we’ve been the worst of hyprocrites.

I’m sorry we’ve blamed you for our failed marriages as if your civil rights somehow impact our own.

I’m sorry we’ve charged you with the moral decay of society.

I’m sorry we’ve made a part of who you are reason to reject you in your entirety.

I’m sorry we don’t make sense.

I’m sorry we’ve told you that you have to change before God will accept you, when Lord knows most of us are quite comfortable not changing at all.

I’m sorry we’ve denied you the right to worship at the altar of God when we know it’s only by grace that we are there in the first place.

Izzy beach

I’m sorry that we sing about “wave after wave” of God’s love sweeping over us while leaving you watching from the shoreline.beach

I’m sorry that we couldn’t have cared less.

I’m sorry that we have been selfish with God’s mercy. That we want all the forgiveness in the universe from God but ask for none from you.

I’m sorry that we haven’t been sorry.

I’m sorry that you’ve had to convince yourself that life is worth living.

I’m sorry that we’ve played God by shutting the door to the Kingdom of Heaven in your face and making it hell for you on earth.

I’m so, so sorry.

I’m sorry that we claim to love you but ignore you when you say you don’t feel it.

I’m sorry that we’ve made you hide in dark places and seek God on your own to the point that you question if God is even there and if he is if he really loves you or thinks you’re worth anything.

I’m sorry that we have treated you less than human.

I’m sorry you’ve had to be brave when you only wanted to be yourself.

I’m sorry that we have cared more about rules and interpretations and behaviors than actually really caring.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel safe.

I’m sorry that you live in fear.

I’m sorry that we’ve turned our churches into clubs.

I’m sorry the name of Jesus has been used to exclude you while we sing about the name of Jesus, oh the name of Jesus, being the sweetest name we know.

I’m sorry our often pitiful behavior has made you want nothing of the Jesus we claim to follow.

I’m sorry.

I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive us. Often, as Jesus pointed out, we just do not know what we do.

And I know it’s never enough to make up for the pain for the hurt for the loss for the fear for the rejection for the confusion and doubt and depression and anger and loneliness. It’s not enough.

But I’m sorry nonetheless.

There’s nothing you need to say in return. Nothing that you owe us. Nothing we are expecting you to do. But I hope you can receive this, and in even the smallest way, I pray it starts to heal a place deep inside of you.

And let me speak on behalf of the family of God and all of my brothers and sisters, most especially when they’ve we’ve not represented the family well, I hope that you know just how much I truly care and want you in. I want you in the door. We want you in. WE WANT YOU ALL IN. EVERY. LAST. ONE. OF. YOUR. VALUABLE. PRECIOUS. BEAUTIFUL. SELVES.

And I hope, finally, that the truths in this song penetrate to the very core of who you are, that you know (as my 14-year-old daughter and regular and vocal advocate for you sang from our church stage tonight) that God’s love is a wave crashing over you, that he is for you and not against you, and that he makes you brave. The “champion of Heaven” has “made a way for ALL to enter in.”

Thank you for listening. Thank you for not giving up on us. And thank you for being you.

kidsbeach

Come on out and come on in. Come join us in the waves. Because nobody—NOBODY—belongs in a closet.

And, you are so truly loved. Out there on the shore and way out here deep in the waters. You are loved.

❤❤❤

-heidi, a follower of Jesus trying her best in Tennessee

 

 

 

22 thoughts on “Dear LGBT Community, I’m. So. Sorry. From a follower of Jesus in Tennessee.

  1. Corrin

    {{{Tight Hugs}}}

    Thank you for being brave.
    Thank you for sharing your heart.
    Thank you for your careful, important words.
    Thank you for not shying away from hard stuff.
    Thank you for fanning a teeny tiny spark that will hopefully grow into a full flame of hope.
    Thank you for loving people like Jesus does; fully, radically, scandalously.

    Reply

    1. Jerry watts

      Heidi I know that was heart felt; however my church doesn’t turn gays away but we’re not going to condone their lifestyle. If God destroyed Sodom and Gohmorra for this then he would have to apologize to all the inhabitants of those cities if he changes His word on this. Jesus Christ the same today, yesterday and forever. I change not. They are welcome in but not to change the Christ Church.

      Reply

      1. Scott

        Jerry, you bring up a good question about why God destroyed Sodom. According to Ezekiel 16:49 – “‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” I find it convicting to ask myself what might have been going on in S&G that also applies to me (as opposed to what might apply to OTHER people). The entire passage shouldn’t be dismissed, but it’s a difficult narrative to apply in a simple way to our modern world. Just as one example, the hero of the story offered up his daughters for gang rape. Yikes!

        Reply

        1. Kim

          Jenny is another “Christian” who only reads bits and pieces of certain verses and doesn’t read the Bible in context. She looks for the loopholes so she can exclude people she doesn’t like or want “in” to the Jesus Club. It makes me so sad 🙁

          Reply

          1. Rick

            It seems you have condemned Jenny, Kim, by calling her a “Christian” in quotation marks, and your hypocrisy is duly noted, as you are the one who picks apart the Bible and only reads what you want to read, mainly the parts that condemn homosexuality, adultery, and other sexual sins. The Bible specifically says that homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God. You skipped that part because it doesn’t “feel” good to you. Truly loving people means telling them the whole truth from Scripture, regardless of whether or not it hurts their precious “feelings.” Love isn’t feelings or emotions, it is actions. It is commitment, and it is truth.

      2. Bobbie Justice

        I don’t have a “lifestyle”. I am a transgender female, and have a life.

        So get off the lifestyle nonsense.

        Reply

        1. Rick

          Everyone has a their own lifestyle, Bobbie, including you. Denying it doesn’t change the facts..

          Reply

  2. Mel

    Thank you! I am so glad that we got to talk yesterday.
    This truly is how my heart feels, I just don’t have an eloquent bone
    in my body to express it like this!
    Thank you!

    Reply

  3. Heather

    Yes, Jesus weeps because of the spiritual abuse dished out by the church and people that call themselves Christians but dont even go to church (they judge their own too). I appreciate that you feel and have publicly acknowledged that. It is dangerous emotionally and in some overly zealous situations, physically to this community of people for you to speak for that group of people. In fact, you may not know it yet, but you are not one of them. The “bride of Christ” loves, reflects His love to ALL with NO exception. Those others will be the ones “gnashing their teeth” because they believe they deserve to get into heaven.

    Reply

  4. Heather

    Martha touched His heart when she washed Jesus’s feet with her tears and best, most expensive perfume. Primarily, He was moved because He knew that fragrance would be with Him to comfort Him on the cross. The other is because her humility, absolute certainty of her unworthiness, and pure selfless love for Him was the example He set for his “disciples”. The “bride of Christ” demonstrates Martha’s love. Welcome.

    Reply

  5. Kim

    Thank you for this. It brought tears to my eyes and expressed feelings I have had for a long time and have especially now, but have been unable to put into words. This entire act of excluding entire groups of people from the love of Jesus and the grace of God not only hurts my heart, but it runs completely counter to the gospel of Jesus. 

    Reply

  6. Darius

    As a member of the LGBT community, I sincerely accept your heartfelt apology. I come from a Christian family. They aren’t hateful toward the LGBT community, but there have been occasions where things were said about gays, lesbians, etc. that were hurtful. The thing that hurts most is that they don’t even have a clue that I’m gay and they talk about it around me all the time. I have yet to come out(not really planning on it soon) because of that. I used to be in my bible 24/7 and knew scripture like the back of my hand(John 3:16 was always my favorite verse). I hope it makes sense, but I started drifting away once I “found out” I was gay. I’m currently in some awkward middle ground because I want to believe in God and get back into the bible, but I don’t even know if I’m welcome or if God’s even there. Sorry that I basically put my life story out there. What I really want to say is thank you for showing me that there’s still light out there even in this dark, dark world!

    Reply

    1. Sharon

      I’m a pastor in a church that (regretfully) marginalized the LGBTQ community. I read this powerful post and your equally powerful reply and I just wanted to say to you: God is already with you! You spoke of wanting to come back to the Bible and wanting to believe in God but having uncertainty because of who you are, but God knows and loves you JUST AS YOU ARE! God wants our love; wants a deep relationship with us. I hope this post and my reply and the affirmation of other Christians helps you feel more comfortable in your being as it relates to Christainity, but more than that I hope you know (or grow to learn) that God’s ways ARE NOT the ways of humanity. God’s love is big enough for all of us. God’s love only asks for our response…not for our perfection, and certainly not for our conformation to the “rules” of humankind. Like my sister above, I apologize for the ways Christians have sought to separate you from God and God’s love either overtly or with the use of such horrible language as “love the sinner, hate the sin.” (shudder) But I echo Paul’s words here in the hope of giving you hope: “38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Roman 8:38-39) I’m not always convinced Paul got it right…but he nailed it here. Nothing CAN separate us from the love of God, but that doesn’t mean people won’t try. Don’t let them! Don’t let them into your mind; don’t let them into your heart; and don’t give them a place they neither deserve nor have a right to: the place of being a barrier between you and God’s love! You are a creation of the God of love…made in God’s image. Claim it!

      Reply

  7. Judy

    Thank you for waking up. Now comes your most important challenge, please do not remain silent. Please speak up in your church and other social settings about the need to accept, include, and support the LGBT community. You need to do this in both words and actions. Also push for political leaders who support the LGBT community rather than use us as the excuse for all of the world’s short comings. I realize that this last part will be challenging in a place like Tennessee, but please do work at it. When people try to reach back to Judaic Law to justify their scorn of the LGBT community, counter them with the teachings of the Gospels. Jesus taught us to rely on love far more than law. Sincerely a transwoman who is a Christian.

    Reply

  8. Angelpie

    Thank you so much for posting this.. i needed to hear these words and the msg from the pastor really hit home as well..

    I, myself was someone who has always loved the Lord and His word.. Ive known Christ since a very young age and He has always been there for me..

    I was brought up in a family where we condemn things which are not in line with the word of God and we walk away from those who do not delight in the law of the Lord nor sit with sinners around a table.. “birds of a feather flock together” and because we were taught that homosexuality is a spirit we wouldnt be in company with people who live that kind of sinful lifestyle..

    i for one used to always grab the Bible to convict others and looking back now.. I defnitely mostly judged others.. and I am not proud of my actions today.. so i am too terribly sorry for the rejection isolation and hurt Ive caused many people… i am ashamed of the love of Christ I have withheld from people generally just always so ready to condemn..

    The turn around in my life happened when i fell inlove with the same sex. I was completely blown away by the love and affection I felt.. and i started questioning things.. Myself, my sexual awakening, the church, the convictions and sodom and gomorrah stories, etc etc.. i felt i needed to break lose from all the stereotypes, and the condemnation of the church…

    This was a huge turning point in my life.. i now understand the love of Christ.. i am now able to preach the word of God not to condemn but in love.. Go out and bind up the wounds caused and just preach love love love amd acceptance…

    This needed to happen to me. You see if it didnt happen I would still only preach the message on the God of wrath.. however.. when God sent Jonah, Jonah wanted the city to be destroyed. He told God in the end thats why he didnt wanna go to Ninevah because he knew God would save the people which God did.. Jonah wanted the city to be destroyed.. we as human beings are so fallible yet we expect outselves to act perfect knowing we have so many imperfections…

    All of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, yet He died on the cross for all of us. As in the case of the prodical son.. God accepts us and loves us inspite of who we are.God is love.. He loves all of us the same.. As in the days of Hosea.. God wooed Israel back to Him and loved her… all of us are sinners washed by His blood and saved through His grace. Te Amo.Kis

    Reply

  9. Charissa Grace White

    Thank you so much for your article…and now comes the tricky part: it is the paragraph I quote below…have a care when you do this, Sweetie…the Pharisees don’t play, and they have guns

    “As soon as I made this discovery, as soon as my eyes were opened to this injustice and hurt, I would do two things: First, I would go to my kids and tell them how awful it is what they’ve done; how they’ve hurt an innocent boy who just wanted to be their friend, who just wanted to play, who just wanted to be treated as any other, who just wanted to belong. I would scold them and correct them and make it very clear to them how awful and unacceptable their treatment of this child is. That no one deserves that kind of rejection. That he has just as much right to our home and family as any other neighborhood kid. And that I don’t care how different they think he is.”

    Good luck, and again, thank you for your article.
    Love, Charissa

    Reply

  10. Chris

    Heidi,

    Thank you.

    I’ve been hurt by the church. I’m still a Christian because I’ve been able to separate God’s Love from the churches’ failings, but it’s been really difficult, and I nearly didn’t make it – in more ways than one.

    It gives me so much hope to see posts like this where people are really reflecting Jesus’s love, and your post in particular felt like a real authentic warm hug – which is what I’d love to give you for writing it.

    Thank you so much.

    Reply

  11. Grace

    Thank you alot. I am so happy that a true child of God was brace enough to stand up and speak out for ALL the children of God.

    Reply

  12. Virginia Bailey

    Heidi, You know my daughter from when you were a teacher in a high school. She’s married now, and has a different last name. You have 11 children. It is likely that one of them is gay, or lesbian, or trans* or bi, or gender fluid. (Bet you didn’t know there was so much to this LGBT thing, eh?) So maybe, just maybe, God is preparing you to be the Mama Bear to an LGBT child. Open up your heart to this possibility, and talk to all your children about it. Learn about it so that IF it happens, you will be ready for it. I have an amazing gay son, but I missed it, and because we had never talked about it, he missed it in himself until late in high school. He had a really rough go because he couldn’t figure out what was “wrong.” Then I had a rough go because I was not prepared to support him properly and so shocked that I had missed the opportunity to teach my son, and my daughters, that it would be OK, that God would not abandon any of us, that God cares a whole lot more about us as individuals that God cares about “the church.” You have had a glimpse of the pain. Now embrace the love that cannot fail, and learn more, and talk about it in your family, so that if one of your children needs to come out (today or whenever) they will know that they have a safe place to do that. Then you really will understand that “love that passeth understanding.” And peace to you. With 11 children, you need it!

    Reply

  13. Gwendolyn

    Wow, really. Wow. thank you for this. I’ll be reading it on the next show. Great follow up for the rant to the faux christians out there. Love a real Christian, Christ like, living as Christ asked folks to do. I’m not, simply not, a religious person at all. It’s about integrity and how one, any one, lives in it or out of it. You rock.

    Reply

  14. Carly Lehwald

    Heidi,

    Thank you and i do accept your apology and your ability to convey your sorrow was quite moving. But read the comments, and understand, the Christian faith has lost me. I am awed at how much bitterness and defiance of love exists in some people who consider themselves christians. They even feel the need to point out someone using quotations to designate them as questionable christians, “Duly Noted” I mean really come on. The arrogance and the lack of empathy and compassion that exists over and over and over in the words of so called christians even here where you have so articulately as a christian offered your heart felt sorrow. they come with their need of dissenting opinions which they feel they are justified and required to offer. Christianity has shown me repeatedly a profound lack of love and hardness of heart i want little or nothing to do with. Some here will say i’m a bitter and angry woman. I am, you’re correct. I am utterly disappointed with the Christian faith. I am utterly dissapointed with Christians showing up at LGBTQ events and yelling over loud speaker that we are damned, going to hell, perverts, diseased, pigs, swine, scum, foul stench of the earth, evil, rapists, dirt, and unworthy of Gods love. These people like some of the people in these comments i believe to be deeply sick and troubled.

    I hope your day comes where you are exalted by God for speaking your truth with love and conviction. I would emplore to do more. I would ask you to be vocal advocate representing your own Christian faith and speak out against the unbridled hatred and evil tongue of your fellow christians.

    To those in these comment to whom i am referring to. You wills and before God and he will undoubtedly question your convictions, your intentions, and your heart. I wish you nothing but the best but above i pray you will change and whether or not you can will depend on just how hard your heart really is. I am sad for you. We Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Bisexual, And Queer people are full of Gods love, and grace. You are just to blind to see and allow it to have any space in your lives. We are resilient and we rise above your bottom feeding anger and hate. And you continue to put us in a position where we look down on you as inferior unhappy, unfulfilled, ungrateful, open hearted and loving people of faith. I have no respect for closed minded ugly christians. Heidi, You are a lovely human being and you have learned obviously the meaning of being a Christian.

    Reply

  15. Cinderella

    I’ve only just now read this as it was brought to my attention through another Christian connected to the LGBT community. First let me say that I am a transgender woman and a Witch, a Pagan. I made a choice in regards to my religious views, but I didn’t make a choice in regards to my gender. I repressed and denied who and what I am for most of my forty something years of life. Because I was told that God created me and God doesn’t make mistakes and God made me a boy. I can’t express to you in this format the extreme nightmare I lived through as a child. My father and mother, strong in their Christian faith, beat me, shamed me, punished me for being feminine. My teachers and administrators at school called me a trouble maker when I tried to use the girls restrooms and labeled me a miscreant. My classmates came to view me as wrong and weird, and someone to be ostracized. I hope that in your newfound understanding of the LGBT community, you also have come to understand people like me. We are beginning to fight for our lives, and the struggle is real. I lived in North Carolina when HB2 was made law, I experienced the fear, the terror of that situation. I experienced even more when I began to see the hate that was stirred in the community I lived in for people like myself and I knew that my secret could not get out without my life being in danger. I ran. As far and as fast as I ever have. And I’m still afraid. I live every day in fear, in terror. It isn’t a life I would wish on anyone. But I had come to the point of not caring anymore, I had hit bottom as they say. I would rather die than continue to try and live as a man in this world. It was that painful to me. I hope that you understand. I hope that you will continue to bring your light of understanding to those around you. I made a choice to be Pagan, I didn’t choose how I was born.

    Reply

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